Instant Calm
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[00:00:00] Welcome to Dream Body Alchemy, the podcast that fearlessly explores empowering transformations by unlocking the dormant vitality within your DNA, reshaping your mindset and unveiling your true essence, propelling you towards profound healing and expansion. Join your host, Melissa Valentine, as you embark on this journey to rewrite your story.
One of activation, body alchemy, and the unapologized. The energetic embodiment of your boldest self.
We want to detach from stress and embody instant calm. These are nine of the fastest ways you can regulate your nervous system. Why do we want to regulate our nervous system? Because we want to feel embodied. We want to feel embodied. Turned on by life. We want to feel our most aliveness, [00:01:00] and we can't do that if we don't reestablish safety in our bodies.
A lot of the women that I work with, that I see on a day to day basis, are stuck in survival mode. This is one of the biggest pulls I had to create my Aligned Body Awakening Program. It's because so many women, I would say, are sacrificing their health. for wealth. So they're sacrificing their mental health, their emotional health and their physical bodies. Stress is the number one killer in women.
And even more than that, even more than killing women, is that they're not even alive while they're here. I see women Like, going to the next thing, getting things done, checking things off of their to do list. Jam packing their day with busyness and things to do. Focusing on masculine goals. And I don't [00:02:00] mean people who have goals are masculine.
I will talk more about the feminine and masculine in the next podcast. But when we are dysregulated, we are stuck in this, on energy. We're on, we're on, we're on, we're on. And it saps so much of our energy. And it's not even, it's not like we're utilizing the energy. It's usually erratic energy.
It's energy that is directed by the mind. And so what we want to be able to do is to Get back into the body. Reestablish the safety so that we can be in our body. We want to become more present. So creating more time and space. And allowing a environment where our brain activity is more even. Because what happens for women is that we're in this survival mode that can be triggered by things like trauma.
From growing up, from, it can become a more addictive state [00:03:00] where you're ruminating in your mind. And so what can happen is you're on, you're on, you're on, you're like on this hyper mode, and then all of a sudden, you shut off. And that is going to look like not feeling motivated, having low energy, depression, disease, weight gain.
Just a general unfulfillment, unsatisfied, almost robotic life. Almost feeling the need to fill our spaces with stuff and doing. , how do we get out of this? How do we embody? the calmness. How do we get grounded? How do we bring more aliveness to our life? How do we feel turned on?
It's about a general excitement, vitality in your life. I'm going to give you nine specific things that you can do in the moment and then we're going to break it down and how do you make this your norm? How do you work with [00:04:00] your body To naturally tap into and embody this calm, this serenity, this knowing, this trusting.
One way that you can instantly feel more calm and begin to re regulate your nervous system is through dance. And again, dance is an incredible way to get in your body and out of your head. So it's all about getting in the body. It's about feeling it.
It's not thinking I'm in my body. So it's not What are the dance moves in being in my head and then making the body move? It's getting out of here and into here. Number two, most of you know this, but simply being in nature. I prefer grounding when you're able to. Right now it is freezing outside where I'm at.
But if you can ground, get your feet on the earth, it has a [00:05:00] physiological change in our bodies that helps to regulate your nervous system. And again, this is cumulative. So we'll talk about that more in a minute. Number three is going to be breath work. So our breath does a really great job of regulating our nervous system.
So one breath technique, that's very simple as you can breathe in for five,
hold for five and then exhale for seven.
Do that a few times and it can begin to downregulate your nervous system and you'll feel that pretty quickly. Number four. This one I prefer if you are someone who has a tendency to be in that on mode a lot. So [00:06:00] once you begin to get into a place where you don't allow it, so you start to feel these feelings start to come up.
I used to be someone who I'd feel the feelings. And then I'd start to think about the feelings, , why am I having this feeling, and then it would obviously turn to, you know, negative things.
You might catastrophize things, you might think negative things, and you start to ruminate, and create, and create, and the thoughts are going to trigger more of the sensations. And the sensations might start to trigger thoughts. So we want to break this cycle. Because this is a cycle that I used to wake up.
With I would wake up dysregulated and for the longest time I'd wake up dysregulated and I wouldn't know why and I was searching for the answer and the answer wouldn't come because the answer was I was dysregulated. There was no reason it was, I just [00:07:00] had a dysregulated nervous system that I never learned how to regulate on a consistent basis.
If you're someone who's trying to feel a sensation, you don't have to do all of these things. I think one of the best practices to do is to sit with the sensation. And here I'm going to say sensation instead of feeling. Because feeling, a lot of times we think feelings with emotions. I'm going to say your feelings are the words that describe emotions.
That might not be the technical, but in this reference, this is what I'm going to call it. So I want you to sit with the sensation. What that means is instead of busying yourself, instead of feeling the sensation and feeling like, if I do enough, it'll go away. I have a lot on my plate. I just got to do more.
I have to go faster. Go against that instinct and go into your body. Sit with it in a calm place, in a quiet place. And if you can't get in a calm, quiet place, do it where you're at. Just sit and [00:08:00] be with the sensation. Find it in the body, sit with it, breathe, and just sit with it. Don't give it a story, don't try to explain it away, don't, don't even go into gratitude or journaling.
These are things that I definitely suggest, but for this specific thing, just sit with it, breathe with it, don't give it a story, don't identify with it, just breathe and sit with it. Thanks.
One thing you're allowing the body to do is feeling safe to feel the sensation. Because we don't allow ourselves to feel safe with a sensation. When I work with clients, I have multiple different tools that I give to them. Multiple different tools and different things work for different people, but I always suggest try this one for a week.
Try that one for a week. Do different ones in different moments. Do this one on a daily basis. Do [00:09:00] this one sometimes There's no right or wrong way to do it, but If there was, I would say this is probably one of the most important ones because I think we need to get, again, safe in our body and part of that is feeling safe to feel these sensations and even emotions because they're fleeting.
They come and then they go. We don't have to attach all of these negative things to them. We can just have them and let them go and signal to the body that it's okay to feel this. and just be with it. Just like sometimes a friend, a family member, a child, a loved one, sometimes they just need to be in your presence while they go through the sensations and the emotions.
To regulate, they just need to feel safe in someone's presence. They don't need an explanation. They don't need a solution. They just need Acknowledgement, they need to be with you and you need to be [00:10:00] with yourself during this. This is probably one of the most life changing ones that I could, because I would spend 30 minutes to hours.
Sometimes it would ruin my day because I didn't understand that I could just be with it and it would dissipate. Number five, tapping. Tapping is one that I use. Pretty consistently, it's not every single day, but when I was releasing certain things from my nervous system and helping regulate it, I would go ahead and tap, and basically what it is, is you're tapping on points in your body, and speaking out loud your beliefs, your feelings, and then you are helping your body regulate while you're doing it.
I usually go through the negative things I'm feeling and then I transition into the more positive things, but I always talk about things that I believe. I don't go so far as saying things I don't believe, but I have different approaches depending on why we're [00:11:00] tapping, but you can just do simple things like, I am safe.
I am here, and that's okay. Like, you can, whatever words feel good to you, you can even, I have a couple different processes I do, but sometimes it's just saying a couple words and going through the points. Number six, this one again is one that I want to highlight. Moving slow. Just moving slow, being intentional with your movements.
I find when I am starting to feel that anxiety, and it can be from being late, it can just be in my own head having a lot going on, it could be that I started my day dysregulated. There's a lot of different things that can trigger it. There is this natural Inclination to speed up. Oh, it must mean that I have to hurry to get this stuff done, because once I get this stuff done, then this feeling, this sensation will dissipate.
That's not true. What we want to do is slow down. Focus on our [00:12:00] breathing. Be more intentional. Focus on what we're feeling. Focus on the space around us. Our behavior, our action in the moment. Slowing our walking down, if we're cleaning, slow it down. Slowing our, our speech down. Slow down because you're signaling to your nervous system, you are safe.
Number seven, a nice shower. There is something about a warm shower that just, Makes you feel better and helps you regulate your system. I know when If I'm having a bad day Even if I've showered before if you take a shower again, there's something about like if I just take a shower It's almost like washing that energy off of you number eight We kind of touched on this before but I wanted to make this one a a point all by itself is getting in your body Dysregulation is so connected to our thoughts and our mind, and so being able to get into your body, [00:13:00] feeling your body, hugging yourself, hugging someone else, just doing a scan of how your body feels.
I took a course to help with regulation I've also read the book, How the Body Keeps Score, and it talks a lot about the different things that you can do to get in your body. But just knowing that you want to get in your body and out of your mind, out of your mind. I feel like I'm out of my mind when I'm dysregulated.
I wanted to leave you with number nine of something that you can specifically do right now to help re regulate. So this is a re regulating exercise. What you want to do is you're going to turn your head all the way to the right and see how far you can turn it.
And then you're going to turn your head all the way to the left,
right? And then you're going to take your hands behind your head. Now you're going to keep your head straight. And now you're just going to look to the right until you yawn, [00:14:00] involuntarily feel like you need to sigh, and then you look all the way to the left. Again, until you feel like you want to sigh or yawn or whatever that is, so keep looking all the way there.
And then when you're done, you can turn your head and you'll notice you can look a lot further on each side. And this will help you re regulate your nervous system. So those are the nine things, but I wanted to get this across to you because I think this is going to be the most important part.
We don't want to use these tools only when we're boiling over, this is one of the biggest problems, is a lot of women that I know That I've worked with, they're already at this simmer point. So their day-to-day, baseline is already simmering.
There's already a little bit of excess, they're not deeply relaxed. They're not embodied. They're not moving from a place of [00:15:00] groundedness, of calmness. of steadiness, of trust, of certainty, of focused energy, that alliance of conscious, like I was talking about in the last podcast, if you haven't checked it out, we're talking about self sabotage and parts conflicts.
If we are only using tools like these when we are boiling over, when we use these tools, they're only going to bring us back to the simmer. And so if you're at the simmer one, you're more likely to boil over and you're going to have to use these tools more often anyways. But you never find that real safety in the body.
You never feel that deep relaxation, that restorative energy, the feminine. Which we'll talk about in the next podcast. So what you want to do is you want to get to a place where you use these tools when you are not boiling over. Which means, one, you [00:16:00] want to get into the practice of using them on a daily basis.
You want to create rituals for yourself. And then two, you want to fix the circumstances. You want to heal the life problems that are creating them, that are triggering them, that are upholding this identity. Because this is an identity.
I have so many clients who come to me and be like, I'm stressed. No, you have stressful events. You are choosing to turn that into an identity. Do you hear the difference? I am stressed. No, I'm Melissa. I've had some events that could cause someone stress, it's all about total alignment.
It's not just, I'm going to regulate my nervous system. I'm going to take these tools and I'm going to be fine because. How does your day to day health and fitness and energy practices, how are they? Like in my feminine [00:17:00] fit flow and frequency codes. How is your diet? How are you moving? Are you moving in alignment with your energy or are you disregulating yourself because you're moving in a way that is right for Someone else and not for you and it's causing extra stress.
Are you eating in a way that is Helping you regulate your nervous system. That is in alignment with you. Are you? Managing, are you releasing those unresolved negative emotions? The negative emotions, again, your mind is going to affect your nervous system. The sensations are going to affect your mind. Negative unresolved emotions are stored in the body.
If you have a lot of unresolved negative emotions stored in the body, it lowers your frequency, it lowers your vibration. And then you can't get to and maintain that level of calmness.
Do you have parts conflicts because you might be doing the work, but you might have a part of you where it's job is to overthink to [00:18:00] be stressed because it's trying to protect you from all the things that could go wrong. That could be a part conflict. Or do you have beliefs, you could see the world in a way where you have beliefs that cause you stress.
If you see the world through a filter of I'm not good enough, that's going to cause you some distress. If you look through the world through a filter of nobody likes me, the world is unfair. That is going to cause you anxiety and stress. And even more importantly, it's your identity. If you identify with someone who is stressed out, if you identify with someone who has to work really, really, really hard and stay busy and productive to be worthy,
you're going to have a hard time maintaining a regulated nervous system. So we want to fix those life circumstances. We want to heal those life problems that are adding to. [00:19:00] the dysregulated nervous system. We want to do rituals that are going to not just deal with acute events when you are feeling the feeling, but rituals that you begin to incorporate into your life.
This really highly speaks to, are you prioritizing yourself, not prioritizing yourself when you're already boiling over, when it's already causing your self harm, your health.
We want to get into a place where we can dial it down so that when things do happen we're not boiling over and these tools can be more effective. We want to get to a place where we are deeply embodied and connected and living life to our fullest and excited and feeling in our bodies, like feeling safe in [00:20:00] our bodies and doing things like these techniques, but also any kind of mindset work and nervous system work and the way we eat our beliefs, all of these things are going to affect our ability.
To embody this calm confidence, have this presence, have this deep feeling of trust. And that is what I want for you. If you are someone who is looking for more help with this I have something called the Aligned Body Breakthrough. It is a free gift to figure out what are your blocks? What are your visions? What's standing in the way? Which is going to allow you to align your energy.
With your intentions and empower your subconscious so that whatever you want to do and reach your goals, you do it in an [00:21:00] aligned way where you're aligning all of the parts, your behaviors, your emotions, your energy, your thoughts, your beliefs, and your identity online.
And that is my gift to you. If you're interested, that is going to be linked below. Thank you so much for watching. If you like this, like it. If you want to hear more, please subscribe and please connect with me in the comments. If you have any questions, I will be down there.
I hope you have a great rest of your day and I will see you next Wednesday.
