No Self Sabotage | Change Negative Behavior
===
[00:00:00] Welcome to Dream Body Alchemy, the podcast that fearlessly explores empowering transformations by unlocking the dormant vitality within your DNA, reshaping your mindset and unveiling your true essence, propelling you towards profound healing and expansion. Join your host, Melissa Valentine, as you embark on this journey to rewrite your story.
One of activation, body alchemy, and the unapologized. The energetic embodiment of your boldest self.
There is no such thing as self sabotage. What a lot of us call self sabotage is when our intentions don't align with our behaviors. Now something in NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming, we call these parts conflicts. [00:01:00] And When we think about self sabotage, we're thinking about, I have this desire, I have this goal, I have this thing that I want to achieve, but my actions are not aligning with that version of myself.
Maybe you have self doubts or indecisions, or possibly you are feeling stuck, or whenever you get close to something that you want to achieve, you do something that is out of alignment with your ability to reach that goal. So the idea is that we are all born whole, we are all born complete. And that is The idea, the concept that we want to get back to now.
If you're diving in really deep, you know that, or you might not know that some of us are not exactly born 100 percent complete. [00:02:00] We are born with generational wounds, ideas, things that happen in our womb. And depending on your own belief systems. But for this idea, we are going to take into consideration that we were all.
And so when we have these self sabotaging patterns, these negative behaviors that are standing in our way of having our dream life, being our ideal version of ourselves, we call them self sabotaging patterns. Not self sabotaging part patterns, but they're parts conflicts.
And a part conflict is a part of us is there. To protect us in some way when we were not able to handle or protect ourselves. And so a piece of us was ripped off to handle some kind of [00:03:00] aspect to keep us safe. There's a difference between self sabotage and a limiting belief.
So from now on, instead of saying self sabotage, I'm going to call these parts conflicts. just to make it easier, this is how they can form. There's a couple different ways. Let's say you're going through life and something very intense happens and you are unable to handle it.
What is going to happen is a piece of you Figuratively is going to rip apart from your whole version, and it is going to take care of that situation so that you can continue to function. Now, if it is something that happens to you that is not so intense, let's say something happens to you and it kind of shakes you a little bit, that can turn into a limiting belief.
But. depending on where your [00:04:00] threshold is, how much you are able to take and be okay with. You might get a parts conflict, or you might get a self limiting belief. Or if it's really intense, you actually might get something called multiple personality disorder. But this is all going to really depend on your constitution, your threshold, or your vibration, your frequency.
So that is one way that you can get a parts conflict is something happened to you and a part of you ripped off so that it could protect you. so that you could be okay and move forward with your life so it wouldn't completely destroy your life. The other way that you can get. a heart's conflict would be you just downloaded it.
When you are from ages zero to seven, you are working from a place of the subconscious. And so during this time, your conscious abilities are [00:05:00] not solidified. So you're kind of like a sponge. And when you see people role modeling certain behaviors, you will download them. And that is just how you now perceive this is how things work.
So if you had someone in your life who had disordered eating or emotionally eating, you might have downloaded, this is how I eat food, or this is how I handle emotions, or this is how relationships are. This is how I treat money. If you grew up in a household where there wasn't a lot of money or maybe someone worked non stop.
That might be something that you downloaded. You didn't have the filters that we have now where you have your conscious and your unconscious. You're basically like this little unconscious sponge and you're just downloading how the world works. So that is another way. So the intensity of an event or [00:06:00] you could have just downloaded how things are, role modeled it.
from the ages of zero to seven.
So when it comes to a part conflict or self sabotaging, the one thing that I want you to take away from this is that
These parts are not bad and they don't have the intention to hurt you. They are not trying to get in the way of your happiness. It's actually the opposite. Now the only reason why we notice we have these parts conflicts is because they begin to cause problems. They are no longer, their actions are no longer aligning with their purpose.
The main thing that we want to know about part conflicts is they always have a positive intent to keep you safe. And we want to determine what their specific purpose is. What I see when I'm working with clients is that their self sabotage or their coping mechanisms come out in certain situations for [00:07:00] driven women when they are really pushing themselves, when they are in that mode of accomplishing and being successful and they're pushing themselves and they're using a lot of energy.
What can happen is that if they're trying to release weight, and they've been really good, and that might mean they've been really strict, maybe they're working really hard, like they're using a lot of willpower in their lives. the coping mechanism, the parts conflict, might kick in and have them Binge on some sugary treats.
It might have them.
Doing really well and being in a place of momentum and then completely stopping and throwing them off track. And a lot of times the purpose is to keep them safe, which is another word for keeping you comfortable. Comfort, safety, [00:08:00] all of these are on the same realm, in my programs, and when I'm coaching people one on one, I often help them align their parts conflicts and integrate them.
And I'll talk about that and how that looks in a minute. But I remember one time, I was also helping the person release unresolved negative emotions. So unresolved negative emotions. are stored in the body and what they do is they lower your frequency. So remember, I was talking about how depending on your threshold, certain things could affect you or not.
And so the threshold, a big part of that is going to be your frequency. And so what I help my clients do is I help them release these unresolved negative emotions. And I was having more difficulty with one of my clients. And what I realized when I was releasing her unresolved negative emotions, anger was one of the ones that did not want to get [00:09:00] released.
And the main reason why I didn't want to get released is because it was not her anger, it was a part's anger. A part of her ripped off at some point and was utilizing this energy of anger. As a way to protect her and so we were unable to release the anger in a normal releasing process. We actually had to go in and do a parts alignment, because when it comes to parts.
They are there for a reason. Parts have their own beliefs, their own values. They're not even necessarily attached to the body and the nervous system yours. It's like there's literally more than one version of you, and the part usually does not even associate with you, the person. And so you might be 100 percent on board in releasing a behavior, releasing a [00:10:00] belief, releasing an emotion, but your part might not be on board.
It will speak up if you speak to it. But the reason why it doesn't is again, it is there because it is trying to protect you is trying to keep you safe. And so, if it agrees to leave and no longer. Do the things that it has set in place its job, then it will fail and you will be hurt.
We had to do a whole parts conflict integration, because That was the only way that we could get this part to allow that negative emotion to be released from the body. What does it take to
stop self sabotage? To take these parts, conflicts, and realign them so that you are no longer living life with split energy. You're no longer taking one step forward and one step back. You're no longer living a life through the lens of self [00:11:00] doubt, problems, self loathing, feeling stuck, wasting energy. I think that's the biggest.
description I could really use for this is that you're going to feel like you're wasting energy because there's a part of you moving in one direction and then there's another part of you that is kind of tugging on you and pulling you back. Again, there's good intentions there. So we always want to remember that this part was put in place to protect you and it did until It didn't any longer and its behaviors and actions are now causing more harm and grief.
So one, we want to get aware, we want to get aware of the part, the self-sabotage. What is its purpose? What is it? What is it doing? What are the behaviors that are be, that are coming from this part of you? And what is the purpose? So if you want to interview this part, [00:12:00] just like it's another person, what, when did it get there?
What does it believe? What are its main values? Basically, we want to understand the purpose of this part.
And then what we want to do is we want to be able to realign the part with the whole. And what that looks like is figuring out what is that part's job, how is it doing its job, what is the purpose, and how is it getting that purpose. So maybe if the part is angry all the time because that is how you get your energy to uphold your boundaries so that you no longer get taken advantage of.
What we want to do then is we want to go, what is a new job for this part that will now align with the greater purpose of this person, their highest version. You Want to come up with different suggestions or different [00:13:00] ideas of what could this part do to help me along in this purpose, in reaching this goal.
The fastest way that you can do this. So this is something that you can absolutely do on your own. You can become aware of these behaviors that are keeping you stuck, that are not aligning your intentions with your behaviors, and figure out what is the underlining reason, the purpose of them, and understanding what are the beliefs, what are the values, what is making of this part.
Even going so far as understanding when this part became a part, when were you one version of yourself and when did you become another version of yourself? And then, Figuring out a new agreement with that part. But the fastest way to do this is then doing something called the parts integration.
This is something that I do with my clients. [00:14:00] So we go through all this work and we We do a process where we bring that part back into alignment, where we're working with the conscious and the subconscious and we're agreeing on a new alignment. We're agreeing on a new agreement so that Moving forward, you have more energy, you're more focused, you're no longer split with your energy, and you have new vitality, you have new life, because whatever you decide you want to do, all parts of you are now on board, they're all moving forward, you get , this new energy, this new zest for life, because you know whatever you desire, you can move forward.
Towards that without something pulling you back. So if you've been wanting to release weight, but you find that you have these self sabotaging moments. Being able to get to the root cause of that, understanding it, and then [00:15:00] integrating those parts so they're all on board with what your desired behavior, what your intentions are, what your goals, your wishes, your aspirations are, getting them all on board.
This is something that I do with my clients. If you're interested, I created something called the Aligned Body Breakthrough. It is free You get a 30 minute session where you break down. What are your biggest challenges? What are your lacks? What is your main vision for your life?
And then what are your next steps moving forward? And the cool thing is I created the Harmony Triad Bundle, where it aligns your health, your wealth, and your energy. And it has a hypnosis for weight loss and abundance. It has a goal installation process. All of these things are going to allow you to align your subconscious with your conscious desires to help you reach your goals.
And it also comes with my book. And if you want the audio version of my book, it's a short read, but if you're like me, I love having things [00:16:00] in audio version. You get all three of those plus a free strategy call to help you reach your goals just in time for the new year. You can find that linked below.
Otherwise, I hope you found this interesting and helpful, and you begin to work through your self sabotaging to release those negative behaviors that are keeping you from your highest version, your highest energy, because you deserve to walk through this life whole, complete, and in harmony, and in total
alignment. Thanks again for watching. If you liked this episode, please click like if you want more, please subscribe. And I would love for you to connect with me in the comments below. Until next time on dream body alchemy. My name is Melissa Valentine and I will see you then.
Thanks for listening to this episode of Dream Body Alchemy. If you liked what you [00:17:00] heard, then be sure to hit like and subscribe. Got a burning question for Melissa? Or a topic you'd love her to discuss on the show? Get in touch! Follow us on YouTube, TikTok, and Facebook, at Dream Body Alchemy, and Instagram, at Dream Body Alchemist.
Until next time, keep on glowing and growing. You got this!
